In Swimming to Cambodia, we see the beginning of Gray's fame emerge. It is initially addressed in the introduction when Rosenblatt says that "Spalding was one of the elected" (ix). We are told that fame is achieved only by a select few, and for Gray, this involved telling his story. At first Gray exists on the outside of fame, particularly when he auditions for the role. He is surrounded by important and successful people, and is in awe of what they have accomplished. To him, fame becomes something incredible people find. An interesting sequence is when Gray sits down next to a member of the navy. He learns that the man is really only getting laid and not doing much to serve the country. Here, fame is questioned. People that serve our country are glorified for their service and seen as heroes. But this man directly refutes this widespread belief. He hides behind the image of what he is doing and instead gets picked up by various women in the Virgin Islands. Perhaps fame is being questioned here. Is it really a valid entity, or does it exist to portray people in a certain light? Are famous people really that incredible, or are they famous for what we believe they do or are?
Much of his fame is grounded in the concept of needing to make a stand and find that one perfect moment. Gray saw his involvement in The Killing Fields as a way to make a contribution. Maybe it started out as a way to be an active member of society. Do we believe that he took this role to achieve fame, or did it to shed light on the atrocities in Cambodia? He then addresses fame head on when saying that "the camera eroticizes the space" (55). What we see on the screen is not reality. It is instead a glorified portrayal to make everything seem dramatic and incredible. This may be why we like to see fame and its effects on people, because it gives us a glimpse of a "perfect" world that we could never inhabit. An important example is how many tries it took Gray to get his scene right. And we learn that he had to read his lines again when he was in New York because of background noise. We are so far removed from fame and what it means that we never would have known these details if they were not revealed.
This work is successful in bridging the gap between the world of the film and the world existing outside of it. Fame happens to real people that often had humble beginnings. His career takes a turn when, on page 92, he decides the answer to his problems is to get an agent. Here he embodies the general public's belief that fame can make everything better. He expresses his prior beliefs in a mocking tone. Do we believe that he looks back and knows he was being ridiculous? Through his journey, he ultimately becomes more decisive (110). Maybe he needed to go through this world of fame in order to realize his contributions and worth. His words appear to be an attempt to feel adequate and worth something. Ultimately, his fame becomes about "making myself up" (112). His public self is grounded in an exaggerated version of himself, not necessarily a completely realistic telling. Maybe we are being told that fame takes normal people and catapults them into a different world. But they are not as different as they often seem. The way people address Gray in Hollywood is interesting. People believe in him because he is a new face, not because of anything he has done. Simply because he goes to an agency, he is immediately seen differently. He is told that he can play any role, but he does not buy into this. In the afterword, we are asked "Is this history or just another take" (133)? This can be asked about fame or his narrative in general. Does Gray represent an important part of history, or is he just telling what we already know in a different way? And is fame worth being written about and put into history, or does it just tell our stories in a romanticized way?
In the article, Gray directly addresses the idea of fame. He describes it as something that crept over him, and in his case, it is relative fame. He describes it as horizontal in saying that it will not really amount to anything in the end. He has become paranoid and wonders if he will get recognized everywhere he goes. I liked his point about it being one thing when you can control the timing of telling your story as well as who hears it. Fame takes this choice away. When you tell your story and make it public, your audience has the right to access it whenever they please. In this sense, fame is portrayed as eliminating autonomy in some sense. Your story is no longer yours. It instead belongs to everyone that reads it. We see him affected by fame here, as he must question everyone's motives. People try to assert themselves into his work and make a name for themselves. This speaks to his belief that fame is built on desire. So many people think they have a talent that is worthy of attention. Perhaps we all have something valuable to offer. So why do some make it while others do not? What about Gray (or anyone else for that matter) made him so successful. We are led to wonder how fame chooses people. Maybe it is those who want it the most.
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